Category: Writers Block
He lay in subdued pain the morphine was working but it made him queasy,he was vomiting more often and they had set up another drip, to counteract the loss of fluid.He slowly lifted a hand to inspect the skin graft on his left cheek {it has to have been a success ohhh!..I must look shockin} the nurses had been advised to remain cheerful positive while he recovered from the burns "if the patient suspects at all it will be detrimental to his recovery and acceptance of his injury". The accident was a blur the details sketchy at best and he was yet to ask about any survivors,or their injuries, his whole being was focused on healing and living
"Morning its another cold day" his eyes swivelled across to take in the emerging sunshine the sky was a pale grey and swept by watercolour orange "hmm aye.. it..is" he tried to sit up and felt the nurse's hands supporting him "thanks.." she smiled while holding his evasive gaze, he returned the smile, with a small 1 "that's an improvement good if you can smile your doing well"
"aye..until they let me see the damage" the nurse considered his attitude and encouraged him "listen your healing well and its only 2nd degree you were very lucky" she waited hoping he'd ask why he was burned and lying in hospital and why a crowd of medics were studying him at every opportunity, he sighed and decided to play along with their established game "hmm ok what's for breakfast" she handed over the menu and he made the easiest choice "weetabix and tea with the usual" the nurse smiled and he saw real amusement in her bright green eyes "what? it's.. too.. early for this" "you'd think you were in a hotel" he pulled himself further up the bed and came back at her "well it's not a 4 star that's for sure"
He stared out of the window watching the emerging sun grow and cover the gloomy sky with brightening yellow-orange to beneath a touch of light green the effect was disconcerting as though he was seeing the dawn for the 1st time as a nurse arrived with his breakfast he didn't turn his head preferring to hide his new raw skin "hello how are you feeling its going to be better today" he wondered about this keen interest in the weather "eh..maybe aye.." his eyes strayed down the window and then momentarily they met her gaze, she wasn't ready he saw the involuntary shiver and felt ashamed of scaring her "I'm sorry.. I'd send..you out for a mask,.. but halloween's over"
The nurse tried to be positive she really did feel for him but her compassion was mixed up with pity "no don't apologise we'er both here for the 1st time right anyway enjoy your breakfast..take care" he looked over her shoulder at a notice on the wall but 1 eye was watching her face tight with unease, then he winked and her face relaxed a little,he saw the surprise and a ghostly smile played around his lips, until the hovering sadness crept in to darken his chocolate brown eyes.
The nurse tried to be positive she really did feel for him but her compassion was mixed up with pity "no don't apologise we'er both here for the 1st time right anyway enjoy your breakfast..take care" he looked over her shoulder at a notice on the wall but 1 eye was watching her face tight with unease, then he winked and her face relaxed a little,he saw the surprise and a ghostly smile played around his lips, until the hovering sadness crept in to darken his chocolate brown eyes.
The nurse tried to be positive she really did feel for him but her compassion was mixed up with pity "no don't apologise we'er both here for the 1st time right anyway enjoy your breakfast..take care" he looked over her shoulder at a notice on the wall but 1 eye was watching her face tight with unease, then he winked and her face relaxed a little,he saw the surprise and a ghostly smile played around his lips, until the hovering sadness crept in to darken his chocolate brown eyes.
The nurse tried to be positive she really did feel for him but her compassion was mixed up with pity "no don't apologise we'er both here for the 1st time right anyway enjoy your breakfast..take care" he looked over her shoulder at a notice on the wall but 1 eye was watching her face tight with unease, then he winked and her face relaxed a little,he saw the surprise and a ghostly smile played around his lips, until the hovering sadness crept in to darken his chocolate brown eyes.
"Hmm it il need to be blind girls from now on" he mashed the weetabix into the cool milk to make it easier to eat every movement of his jaw scared him,he imagined the skin graft coming away and hanging off his face in long bleeding skeins,leaving the melted flesh to sting in the air. The fear visited him almost every night "this is alright...I never thought... I'd..eat again" his voice was unaffected and his sight was normal but these were small compensations compared to his distorted face
he checked the graft was holding his fingers explored the net dressing covering the entire left side of his face as the digits amused themselves a memory swam into his mind and he cried out in shock "NO!!! Garry!!!!" 4 nurses ran to his side as he collapsed crying and tearing at his hair, in abject grief "Dougie... no your ok, your alright,it's alright here take my hand ...no stop it" he tried to tear away his skin the very feel of it thick, soft and moist, disgusted him: the nurses succeeded in calming Dougie and Moira held him as he cried for Garry.
The nurses conferred with the doctor they were worried about this sudden display of grief,though they had expected a strong reaction the depth of it had shocked them. "He's deeply disturbed by the accident and I think we should tell him the good news" Moira eased Dougie's arms from around her,his grip was strong in spite of everything "it's ok I wont leave until your settled" he nodded and concentrated on the freshly falling sleety snow "Christ!...does it.. ever stop so"
"we'er getting more than usual...someone said it's coming from Norway" Dougie watched the flakes careering towards earth and slowly a pristine picture of An Teallach, formed in his mind he clung to it,then whispered to himself and every climber alive and dead "stay safe eh?" Moira looked at his far away expression and recognised the meaning behind it "your ok Dougie we'll do our best for you" he squeezed her hand and risked a glance "I know...but sure your just too late" the doctor came over and drew up a chair he was smiling and Dougie was a little pissed off at his good mood "I have some good news for you I understand 2 of your friends,who we feared were lost,actually survived the accident, they are in a ward upstairs and doing quite well..would you like to see them" the question was unnecessary but under the circumstances understandable "aye...Christ! Feck...who is it" Dougie's right hand gripped the doctors before he had time to react "sorry" "no don't worry hmm Garry and Anja"
"we'er getting more than usual...someone said it's coming from Norway" Dougie watched the flakes careering towards earth and slowly a pristine picture of An Teallach, formed in his mind he clung to it,then whispered to himself and every climber alive and dead "stay safe eh?" Moira looked at his far away expression and recognised the meaning behind it "your ok Dougie we'll do our best for you" he squeezed her hand and risked a glance "I know...but sure your just too late" the doctor came over and drew up a chair he was smiling and Dougie was a little pissed off at his good mood "I have some good news for you I understand 2 of your friends,who we feared were lost,actually survived the accident, they are in a ward upstairs and doing quite well..would you like to see them" the question was unnecessary but under the circumstances understandable "aye...Christ! Feck...who is it" Dougie's right hand gripped the doctors before he had time to react "sorry" "no don't worry hmm Garry and Anja"
He stared at the doctor in complete disbelief as far as he knew,Garry and Anja had been trapped inside the helicopter,his mind just couldn't comprehend the news "your havin me on your havin a laugh wi the big Irish ticko" Dougie pointed an accusatory finger at the doctor and met his eyes "no I'm quite serious your friends were thrown clear of the explosion, though their injuries were severe" Dougie's incredulity slowly dissipated and he had no trouble picturing Garry's expression when they met "shit!..what about this...can..you not cover it up..so..ohh man..and I'll need..a chair I'm not lyin here like.. an eejit" he coughed raggedly and struggled for breath, Moira replaced the oxygen mask and Dougie breathed a little easier.
"Alright at least your smiling now" Dougie grinned beneath the mask then took a deep breath and removed it "does your man... know.... I'm alive... you'll need... a syringe fulla valium...when y'tell him" the doctor laughed and reassured him "dont you worry ok we'll have 1 handy just in case" Dougie gave him a thumbs up and sat back to allow his breathing to return to normal as his chest rose and fell, he realised the finality of each breath and rehearsed a few lines {Christ! There's not enough time so..Garry man I'm so sorry}
1 floor up Garry was coming back from a shower to find a crowd around his bed he froze expecting the worst "what's up eh when are we gettin out a here" he was impatient to leave and start his recovery with Anja "sit down Garry we have something to tell you" he scanned their faces then seeing concern and relief he sat and waited while drying his long hair "its about the accident.." the doctor saw his calm mood dissolve and quickly changed tack "we were given some good news from downstairs, it seems that a friend of yours survived the crash,eh Dougie O'Brien... he's just been told your here and is keen to see you and Anja" Garry went white and gripped the side of the seat to stop himself from falling, the whole room seemed to be spin and slip "what! your jokin I was sure he was gone...jesus!...is he badly hurt Dougie has termin..." he couldn't complete the sentence the fear of losing Dougie all over again was too acute
his medical team are aware of Dougie's problems...I understand he's paraplegic how does he feel about this" Garry felt his racing heart slowing and he listened as the echo throbbed in his ears "hmm..eh?... Dougie's fine about it as long as he's not treated like a baby" the doctor gave Garry a brief touch with his hand and stood up Garry still gripped the seat he didn't dare let go "thank you..this is incredible I'm still man..how bad is he" the doctor's smile wavered then reorganised itself "Dougie suffered a 2nd degree facial burn he's had a skin graft which has been successful so far, he has some fractures in his left ankle and lacerations, but he's done well considering, his team think the extreme cold helped to slow the cancer,giving him a chance to recover "
Garry shook his head and punched the air "he's a born survivor that man!...when can I see him" the doctor hesitated and Garry looked for the distraction "Dougie's been experiencing some breathing problems,once that's under control we can arrange a reunion" Garry stood up and the floor seemed to shift he held onto the seat "he doesnt have long so we can't waste time waitin for somethin to improve, that's only goin to get worse,please..." brilliant determination shone in Garry's blue eyes turning them to ice "ok damned Vikings...I'll see if he's fit and get back to you".
"Sorry man.. but I thought I'd lost him several times over..Dougie's like a brother to me" Garry shuffled his feet and stared at the floor, discussing his innermost feelings with strangers was always difficult "I understand we'er still finding it hard to accept Neil the pilot... was a close friend of mine" Garry said sorry with a sad smile and sat down, he felt as if the air had literally been knocked out of his lungs {f..k! You couldn't write this because nobody would believe it} he thought of Anja and her attraction to Dougie he couldn't begin to unravel the complicated emotional barbed wire that now ensnared them..
The unbelievable became real and he slowly began to calm down the oxygen filled his diseased lungs and Dougie could finally relax. Moira had gone in search of a decent wheelchair as Dougie had made his feelings about the hospital chairs,abundantly clear.She returned after 2 hours with a lighter model, he eyed it up with a suspect smile "so when do I get a test drive" she checked his chest and lungs and agreed to a short run Dougie had other ideas "I'll need.... longer to get used to... how she feels, y'know, their... not all the same" he coughed and lied about it "sure I'm just clearin my throat so you can forget that" Moira was ready with the oxygen mask but he waved her away "right hmm it's not too far" Dougie moved closer to the edge of the bed and lifted his legs over the side he rested for a few minutes then slid into the chair "thank feck...ohh man now..ok I'll...have some"
Moira placed the mask over his face and he inhaled the vital oxygen the cancer was now incurable and each breath was a luxury "what do you think of the chair" he wondered why she always wanted to chat when he was preoccupied and unable to speak clearly,Dougie lowered the mask and gasped "sure I'll..let... you... know... soon enough" Moira watched his oxygen saturation and the strain in his eyes "your pushing yourself too hard" Dougie went to move the chair and she put a foot against the left wheel "honestly...see what I mean"
his breathing became easier but the sweat running down his back had dried Dougie shivered and searched for something to wear, he had lost everything in the accident."Here is this ok I'll donate it to you" taking the red tartan shirt Dougie acknowledged the friendly voice but he still couldn't look at its owner, he was too familiar, it was too painful "cheers pal..sure I'm spoiled here" Jimmy winked and crouched down beside Dougie "your friends are getting impatient I think their considering that injection for Garry" Dougie glanced at Jimmy and remembered an incident in the helicopter {Seamus was playin with a lethal syringe a sedative and grinnin like a mad eejit!} his excitement evaporated and he grabbed the oxygen mask to stop himself from crying "jeez man I'm sorry I forgot eh are you ok?" Jimmy put a hand on Dougie's leg but he chose to ignore it "ok I can take a hint just give a little eh pal we are trying to help" the Irishman lowered the mask and lost his temper "f..k! I spent 6... feckin months... in hospital only.... to end up back here again! And I've no f..kin chance a gettin out.... this time!"
Moira took his hand but Dougie pulled away and threw down the mask "I need to get outta here its full a sick people" he manoeuvred the chair into the corridor and away from the ward but there was nowhere to go,however a room at the far end of the corridor had become his refuge, from there he see Ben Nevis and dream up a feasible escape plan.The room was empty as Dougie approached the sun came out and the Ring of Steall was lit by the mid morning rays then the Ben itself, he gasped at the savage beauty of those huge hills and ached to be among them ."Your... not.. the.. only 1 pal" the voice was shaking with unguarded emotion but he recognised it however the familiarity was too immediate, he wasn't anywhere near ready for this he felt a child overcome with curiosity and at the same time, too afraid to look "jesus! am I seein a ghost"
Garry stumbled towards Dougie though he could barely see him as he wiped away tears and tasted them "no....your.. not..I" Dougie couldn't wait any longer he raced over and threw his arms around Garry who fell to his knees in relief. They stayed like that for 5 minutes breathing in, feeling and tasting each other, both unable and unwilling to let go "I..never thought..you'd... survive...Paddy" Dougie wanted to answer but to hold Garry and hear him speak was all he needed right now eventually they released their grip and Garry sat back wiped his eyes and stared at his friend "there's someone else here.." Dougie looked past Garry and saw Anja struggling with a wheelchair he swallowed hard then burst out laughing at her frustration.
Dougie's laughter came to an abrupt end as he fought for breath, Garry took one look then raced off to find a nurse Anja drew up beside Dougie and took his hands he tried to answer but it was impossible,she listened to the constricted air noisily forcing its way through his cancerous lungs and willed Dougie to live a little longer. Garry appeared back with Moira towing the oxygen cylinder behind her she placed the mask carefully over Dougie's burned skin and he mouthed ."Thankyou" they waited while he inhaled the oxygen as Anja refused to let him go Garry wondered if she would ever feel the same now that Dougie was alive "it is so hard yes I would take it for you" her hand rested on his skin graft and traced the injury Garry watched Anja and saw the same tenderness with which she, had eased his, grief and he knew the outcome.
"That's good your colour's better now as well..." Garry interrupted Moira he knew the routine well enough to anticipate his friend's needs "do you want a drink Paddy I'll get you some water" Dougie tried to speak and found his voice though the rough throaty tone sounded so alien to him "I've some good... whiskey... hidden... away so..you'll find it no doubt" Garry groaned and smiled cheekily at Dougie "no you bloody haven't...you musta... missed..the raidin party" he choked back tears and dismissed them Dougie held out his arms "come here... y'great... steamin eejit" they embraced and Anja joined in "ohh my boys I am so glad for you to see that smile Irish" Dougie winked and scared the life out of her "do you mean that hmm?..." he held her puzzled gaze and she saw the mischief build in his eyes,then he imitated Anja, with a passable Swedish accent "never will I listen to another Irishman in a wheelchair!" Anja stared at him with her mouth wide open and he stretched to plant a kiss "sure I forgive...you... after all..you'd a lot to put up with".
"That's good your colour's better now as well..." Garry interrupted Moira he knew the routine well enough to anticipate his friend's needs "do you want a drink Paddy I'll get you some water" Dougie tried to speak and found his voice though the rough throaty tone sounded so alien to him "I've some good... whiskey... hidden... away so..you'll find it no doubt" Garry groaned and smiled cheekily at Dougie "no you bloody haven't...you musta... missed..the raidin party" he choked back tears and dismissed them Dougie held out his arms "come here... y'great... steamin eejit" they embraced and Anja joined in "ohh my boys I am so glad for you to see that smile Irish" Dougie winked and scared the life out of her "do you mean that hmm?..." he held her puzzled gaze and she saw the mischief build in his eyes,then he imitated Anja, with a passable Swedish accent "never will I listen to another Irishman in a wheelchair!" Anja stared at him with her mouth wide open and he stretched to plant a kiss "sure I forgive...you... after all..you'd a lot to put up with".